The benefits of yoga on mood and anxiety states are immense. There are many hypotheses about what exactly helps in alleviation of symptoms. Instead of singling out one factor and replicating it in its isolation, an approach which is embracing multiple thoughts seems most beneficial. Having said that however, disentangling threads of mysteries to help our comprehension is an endeavor as old as humanity. There are many reasons advanced for why Yoga is so helpful. For example it might be increase in self awareness, physiological benefit of exercise, psychological benefit of achieving mastery, an interpersonal benefit of increasing social involvement, the nature of the postures, the somatic energy manipulation etc. Regardless, when I received the following, I was struck by the way this benefit of yoga was worded. Yoga in this letter is woven into a self defining story for an individual. Such stories, have power since they pass over from reality into something of mythical proportions.
"During our conversation, I was skeptical when you mentioned Yoga. You said that Yoga can be helpful in depression. At that time, I was depressed. Life did not make sense. Everything was out of control. I did not have the energy to do Yoga. A friend of mine urged me into it. So we decided to give it a shot, for three sessions. The first session was great. I remember when I was a child, I used to do these "tricks" with my cousins, like somersaults or cart wheels. I was happy then.
My instructor, Pam is great. She said that building core strength is important because it can give energy to us. The energy required to live our daily life. My core strength is pretty bad. I love pizzas! However Pam encouraged me to "find my edge" in my postures. I never understood her fully, till much later. She said that when my body told my mind that it was at the edge of exhaustion, my mind either agreed with that or did not. Mostly my mind agreed with my body and I would relax my posture. Pam encouraged me to try the other option, where my mind would reject what my body was telling it. She said focus on your breath. I did.
One day in a half moon pose, I reached my edge. My leg was cramped and my mind was focused on my leg. At that time, I put the thought of my leg out of my mind and started thinking and working on my inhalation. An exhalation followed automatically and I realized that all I had to do was to inhale. I then realized the funny feeling I was getting in my nose, as I inhaled. I wondered what that was. "Dryness? Let's see how I feel with another inhale". And suddenly I realized, I was in the posture and my leg was still hurting me, but instead of shouting out it's pain, my body was talking to me about it. I dropped my pose. I felt great. I felt on top of the world. Later on when I thought about it I realized that I felt great because I had not given up as I coasted past my limitations.
Over a period of time, I realized what Pam, meant about the core energy required for life. I started practicing breathing during the painful moments of my life, when my mind said that it could not take it anymore. My life had a lot of painful moments and I had to breathe a lot. As my yoga practice improved, my breathing practice improved, my resiliency practice improved and my practice at living life in painful moments improved. I started sleeping through the night knowing, that I could get through tomorrow. I knew I could hear my mind whisper suicidal suggestions to me and get through it. Practice makes difficult things easier. I have been practicing at life.
It is not yoga only that has helped me survive but it has been instrumental. I am still not free of dark moments, dark days or dark weeks. But I am free of dark months. And I have learned how to keep a light with me in dark times. And not hate myself for it. My next project is to become a Yoga instructor. Sincerely yours"
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